I am one who likes to collect life experiences. I'm not really an ambitious collector, and at this point there isn't anything radical on the list. In fact, there is no list, but if an opportunity presents itself to do something I've never done, I'm usually game. And if something mildly unpleasant or uncomfortable comes my way, I can usually roll with it and chalk it up as another life experience. Like having a dentist try to rip a tooth out of my head with no anesthesia. Like having another dentist who knows how to use his instruments yank four teeth in one day (after the failure of the aforementioned). Like eating lamb and fish in England - not a fan (of lamb and fish, not England), coaching cheerleading (sooo not a fan), and drinking almost an entire tidal creek trying to learn to slalom - and never succeeding (at slalom, not drinking the creek). I digress, but you get the picture.
Well, this past Wednesday night I added a new one to the list. One of the unpleasant and uncomfortable variety.
My mom joined the four of us for dinner, and we grilled burgers and dogs. I baked fries and prepared chili on the stovetop. We played a dinner game (so fun - Beginner Dinner Games - thanks Erika!) and went for a walk around the neighborhood. My aunt lives just around the corner, so we walked for a visit.
Yada, yada, yada, we visited. We were leaving, and my aunt ran back into the yard - ashen and blurted, "Don't panic, but Darrell just called and there's a fire truck in front of your house!"
WHAT!?!
Chris darted off towards the house. Carson fell apart. I'm trying to talk sense into a seven year-old who thinks her Tiger and blankie are burning as we speak (I know I'm an idiot, but, hey, I thought my house was on fire! Grace, people, grace...). My mom had Campbell who wasn't saying anything, and we're trying to speed walk back to our house. I began to think through whether I turned off the stove and oven as we all four began to run. I really didn't want to see our house in flames, and I sure didn't want my girls to, but we rushed towards our dread.
We made the turn on to our street, and there stood a fire truck with lights turning and five or six fully-attired fireman entering my kitchen from the garage. My first thought,...
Well, at least my truck is okay :-)
We saw no flames, no hoses, no smoke. Okay, it can't be that bad. Whew...
Come to find out, there was no fire! None! Like not even a spark. And I hadn't ruined my family's life by leaving the stove or oven on. Yee-haw!
Our free-thinking alarm system sent a fire alarm to our monitoring service when it wasn't even armed. AND WHEN THERE WAS NO FIRE!!!!!! Cute...
A service call and $200 later, we're all good. And thankful (about there not being a fire, not about the $200 service call).
Okay, my I-pod is officially dead, and I am more than a little peeved by that fact, but that isn't how I ended up with a broken playlist. My broken playlist is actually a list of songs I put together a couple of nights ago. These are songs that I want to crank when I feel broken.
Not a devastating broken.
A healthy broken. A recognition of my weakness and my poverty of spirit before the Creator of the Universe. An acknowledgement of His sovereignty and his healing. Gratitude for His provision. Humility before the God Who Sees Me.
Here's my fave - in case you're in the market for a broken playlist too:
LOVE HER! And here are the others...
Your Love is Extravagant - Casting Crowns
Stay Strong - Newsboys
At the Foot of the Cross - Kathryn Scott
The Valley Song - Jars of Clay
Healer - Hillsong
While I'm Waiting - John Waller
Jesus Paid It All - Kristian Stanfill
Draw Me Close - Kutless
Clinging to the Cross - Tim Hughes (with Brooke Fraser)
Sweetly Broken - Jeremy Riddle
Saviour King - Hillsong
Mighty to Save - Hillsong
Most of these are pretty old, well-played tunes, but together they set the stage for some beautiful submission.
So that's my broken playlist, and I like it that way. My I-pod, on the other hand, is a totally different story...
Thought I'd share some of my favorite verses right now:
Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Psalm 119:133
I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes. Psalm 119:125
Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Colossians 4:5
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6
During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Hebrews 5:7
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Psalm 119:36-37
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7
For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 2 Corinthians 2:15
God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes. Psalm 18:24 (The Message)
Hey, guys! I am not on another lengthy blogbatical; Campbell's birthday and party was last week and I have two SHE articles due super soon, so I've just been busy (YES, there is still a mountain of laundry in my "laundry" room :-) I do have some things brewing in the noodle for you soon though.
Thought I'd leave you with this funny...
The girls and I were driving down the road the other day, blaring Kidz Bop 752. "Girls Just Wanna Fun" was cranked, and Campbell was singing from the far back of the truck...
I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your LITE BRITE
[chuckle, chuckle]
She had just gotten one for her birthday :-)
Prepare to think less of me. Or to be freed in a very real way. Or, at the very least, to feel better about your own laundry habits.
This is TRB (Total Request Blogging), courtesy of Vanessa. She asked that I let you in on this rather shameful habit I have. I am a laundry hider. I've gotten good at it. And I even take a measure of pride in my own crafty deception [cue up wicked laugh] :-)
Our home group meets at our house every Monday night, and I usually accumulate clean laundry over the weekend - washing clothes as I piddle around the house.
This is our laundry room...
I know it suspiciously resembles a spare bedroom, but it isn't. All of our clean laundry congregates here for extended stays. It's quite ingenious, actually, because I can close the door and forget all about it. The picture probably features five or six loads.
I stuff as much of it back in the dryer as will possibly fit.
And then I stash any leftovers in the basket in my closet. And voila...
Straighten the comforter, turn on the lamps, and vacuum, and we're ready to go!So, I rolled up into the gym on Saturday for an unexpected treat. I love Zumba (an aerobics class inspired by Latin dance), and the two main Zumba instructors were team teaching from 10-10:50. I found my spot in a packed out studio; there were 50-60 folk up in there. IT WAS PRAISE AND WORSHIP ZUMBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I think that can sound hokey if you're like imagining Zumba to some fluffy Christian music or something, but it wasn't - hokey or fluffy. Not many instructors could pull that off, but these two are funky white girls who love Jesus, and it was worship! Granted, not all of the participants were worshiping, but I was a sweaty, soggy mess by the end. Hands raised. Eyes turned upward, deafening music, and a grateful heart for His blessings on my life. One of my favorite worship experiences of all time. Imagine 2 Samuel 6:14-16, though fully clothed (I love that passage!).
Disclaimer #4: Worship isn't for my enjoyment; it's for HIS adoration. BUT, it can be fun and enjoyed!
Here are some of my other favorite times of worship, and I have a correction to my last post. After yesterday, now two of those faves have taken place in a church.
- Several years ago, CeCe Winans led worship for Beth Moore in the ATL. Need I say more? 20,000 women singing "He's a Wonder" is my all-time, off-the-chart favorite. PURE!
- Absolutely any time I get to connect spiritually with my children - whether we are thrashing about to worship music or discussing a question about Jesus or really praying together. We make lots of stabs at this one and we miss way more than we hit, but we have had opportunities to genuinely worship together, and that too is purity at its finest.
- I love worshiping while I run. I have been running on the Rail Trail when there is no one in sight, no one nearby, and normally that would terrify me. But the sun was brilliant through the trees, and I turned my music off to just experience Him in His beauty. And atop the Cooper River Bridge just a few weeks ago. It's not the music - I don't even run to Christian music; it's just when I am most aware of his blessing of health and strength. Unfortunately, all runs are not created equally, and all runs are not worship experiences.
- On a dock at Lake Jocassee = sun + silence + Scripture + a still lake + lush mini-mountains + no people + no boats + staggering BEAUTY = GOD! One of the ways that I know that I know that I know that I know that we are all without excuse (Romans 1:20).
- In a condo at Wrightsville Beach, NC, where one woman after another shared her life's secret through torrential tears. We begged Him to heal us and free us, and we sang praises together for His goodness and to His glory (Hebrews 5:7)!
- Years and years ago I was praying for a little girl with cancer. I did not know her nor her parents, but I had been asked to pray for them. In my quiet time I began to intercede on her behalf and something inside of me broke, and I began to sob uncontrollably. I could no longer speak; heck, I couldn't breathe, but somehow even in that there was prayer and acknowledgement of His power (Romans 8:26-27). That hasn't ever happened again, but it was neat in a very weepy way.
- On my face on the floor of the Cawthon and Chapman homes many nights as we asked God to do a new thing in Florence, SC.
- Worshiping at UNLEASH in March 2008 only days after learning that God was going to be doing a new thing in Florence, SC - NewSpring Church.
- Yesterday hearing eleven scattered voices speak in confident unison to receive Christ's death and resurrection as their own at the conclusion of the service at NewSpring Florence.
He is ever worthy of our worship and praise!
Disclaimer: Before I tick anybody off, I don't think that you have to worship like me. The Bible gives like a gazillion ways we can worship - with tambourines, in silence, with dancing, with lifted hands, in prayer, with loud cries, in meditation, etc... I love 'em all. I want to worship Him in every way possible.
But do you think you have to learn how to worship God? I'm not sure, but I felt a little like that as a new follower of Christ. I didn't quite know how to express my awe of Him, how to communicate my adoration for Him. Initially, I cried a lot. When I would experience Him afresh, or hear from Him, or sense His presence, I would cry. I worshiped with tears because it was all so new (and to be honest, so supernatural) that I just melted, walked around in a puddle every Sunday after church.
Then, as I became more accustomed to encountering Him, I learned how to talk to Him and how to interact with Him through His Word. We began a real conversation, and I learned how to praise Him through prayer (praying the Psalms was great practice when I couldn't think of my own words) and how to hear from Him through Scripture.
After we had a few years under our belt, I discovered how to be open to allowing music to take me to a place of worship - how to close my eyes, listen intently, and allow the lyrics to become my prayer. I still worship in all of these ways, but this is probably my favorite because I love me some tunes.
But I noticed as I sang in worship in the car and at church and sometimes even at home, I felt I had to consciously think about my hands, arms, legs, and feet because they were getting into this thing too, and if I didn't keep a watchful eye on 'em, they were definitely going to embarrass me in public. So, I became a closet singing/dancing/crying/praying worshiper. I would go into my bedroom at night (while Chris watched TV); I would close the door, cut out all the lights (I didn't want to see myself either) and really pour myself out to Him.
That was about the same time that I began to try out different postures of prayer. I was ready to break free of the notion that prayer HAD to be head bowed, hands folded, eyes closed. I began to worship on my knees, completely prostrate on the floor, in a ball on the floor (like how you do in leap frog when someone is leaping over you), and standing with both arms lifted to Him. I still worship in all of those ways and have found it very meaningful to seek a posture of humility, of praise, of submission, etc..., as I approach Him.
Now, I feel pretty free to be publicly demonstrative in worship. I do try not to wig you out if we are in the same row together at church, but I also try to close my eyes and focus only on HIM, adoring HIM.
Disclaimer #2: What I do with my body when I worship means nothing. Worship occurs in my heart and in my mind. I have just tried different ways to arrive at a place of total concentration on Him.
Don't know why I wanted to share this except that I think it's pretty interesting how a girl very uncomfortable with demonstrative worshippers in church actually became one.
Disclaimer #3: Where I worship can and should be anywhere. In fact, I had one of my favorite worship experiences today at the gym. Stay tuned for that experience and a few of my other faves. As far as I remember right now, only one of them actually occurred in a church. Until then...
I am thinking all of these things simultaneously right now!
- Being a mom is meant to change me as much as it is meant to change my children.
- Buying that package of break-and-bake chocolate chip cookies last night was a real big mistake.
- Am I strong or just spoiled? (Beth Moore, Esther - Yeah, that one's a zinger!)
- I am not an Adam Lambert fan.
- "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." - 2 Corinthians 2:15
- If you play a country song backwards, You get your house back
You get your dog back
You get your best friend Jack back
You get your truck back
You get your hair back
You get your first and second wives back ... :-) (courtesy of Rascal Flatts) - Children are meant to play and make messes and be slow. Why do I spend so much energy fighting against that?
- Lord, arrest me with Jesus Christ. (BM - Esther)
- I am really enjoying the Hannah Montana soundtrack.
- My husband lavishly spoils me, and I love feeling that everything will always be okay if he is present.
- The idea of a nap with no pre-determined end makes me warm and fuzzy inside.
- I am tightly held. (BM - Esther)
- I am very afraid of being mediocre.
- Warm socks are year-round comfy apparel for me.
- I am not called to an easy life. I am called to a purposeful life. (BM - Esther)
- What will I do if it rains on the day of Campbell's birthday party (at the park)?
- Where should we eat tonight? It's date night....
- How am I currently serving the poor and oppressed?
- WOW! The laundry sure is piled high...
- Does anybody still read this thing?
- I need some new music (OBVIOUSLY!); a little funky and soulful with a good beat and a deep female vocal. Anyone?
- "The more detached and self-absorbed we become, the more we mistake annoyances for agonies." (BM - Esther)
- What tough decision do I need to make? Embrace the pain! (courtesy of Chris Reeder from the All Access 2009 Conference)
- I LOVE BLOGGING! I don't know why my brain has turned to sawdust and rarely has anything to contribute to the conversation :-(