The Process of Processin’

So…. (sigh), there are some days when life throws something at you that knocks the wind out of you. Monday was one of those days for me. Caught me so off guard that I was blank. In the eternity that transpired before I could catch my next breath, I stood in a vacuum. There was nothing going on in my head, nothing going on in my heart – not one thought, not one emotion. I did not know what to say or think or feel or do or pray. I did not cry; I just stared vacantly.

And then I began to thaw and my brain started clickin’ out questions; it was still a while later that my heart began to spew out a buffet of emotions: angry, sad, worried, afraid, and then angry again. And then sad again. A Lazy Susan of feelings served up in rapid succession.

And then I got on my face and sought Truth over the issue and wept.

And then I scurried. I got busy being busy. I’m a fairly frequent runner, so I outran my thoughts and feelings and questions and worries for the rest of the day. Best workout I’ve had in a while. There was a grey blur of emotional “stuff” that followed in close behind as I zigzagged through my day. Bobbing and weaving and running, and I have to say that they never caught me. I scurried from one random activity to another just keepin’ the lead. Frantic but out in front of the pack.

There was a fatal flaw in my plan; I eventually had to stop – late that night. Exhausted. As I finally lay down around 1:30 am, they caught me and attacked viciously. My eyes would not close; my soul would not settle; my mind would not stop. I slept little.

Yesterday I moved slower in a healthier state of processing. I marinated in it all day and continually sought Help.

Today I am digesting.

May I ambiguously ask for your prayers? He knows where they need to be applied.

Buckle up, baby!
Beside Myself...

One Comment

  1. Susanne
    July 17, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    Lifting you up in prayer right now, sweet friend!

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